Well, I totally deserve the worst blogger ever award. I haven't blogged in months and life's been changing so fast I don't even know where to start. I guess the beginning makes sense so here we go! I'm going to skip around a bit but it all leads to today.
My marriage has ended. What took moments to start took years to fade and we're moving on. Hence the name change of my blog "the farm wife" no longer seems appropriate or realistic. I have nothing but love for the soon to be former "hubs", even our breakup was fantastic. That being said I cannot wait until he moves off the farm. I greatly appreciate that he is so supportive and didn't just bail, but I am looking forward to (and panicking!!) the moment when I'm on my own again. I keep flashing back to how peaceful things were when it was just me and my cat in our little house. Of course that will never be the same with two kids and a crap ton of animals running around and I'm terrified that it will be a constant struggle to stay here but life's an adventure even when you're misadventuring right?
I went to Burning Man! Wow that was frickin awesome and I'm doing it again this year. Being me I over prepared for everything that I could and killed it. What I didn't plan for was meeting myself and being forced to confront my life. That being said choices were made and I regret nothing. Ok, except maybe not going sooner.
The farm is changing. The things I set in motion last year are starting to come to fruit. I reflect on the work that I did (and didn't do) last year and I see so much room for improvement. The months of serious funk that I went through and did nothing around here are really showing but I am once again feeling strong and inspired. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days when I feel bluesy and don't want to work but the spring sun is burning the fog off my life.
My blog is changing. The title change is only part of it, as I've been reading other blogs lately and I've realized the things I've held back (my kids, emotions, and snarky sense of humor) could make me a more honest blogger and human being. I looked through my previous posts and realized that though my blog is about family and farming I never show what isn't pretty (or pictures of my kids even for that matter). As it turns out life isn't perfect and the premium that I put on perfection only exists in my mind. Some of my best recipes have come from screw ups, hell, the best things in my life have come from getting in my own way and messing up my plans!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'll try harder, laugh louder, and stop only showing you the moments that I think are perfect. This is a farm and we're all gonna step in shit sometimes right?
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